Far too often we find ourselves searching for our own comforts when we come to church. We are willing to sacrifice what the Lord has called us to do in an effort to remain where and how we want to. If that is your goal, you are embarking on an irresponsible life in His church. As an added bonus, here are some ways you ensure you won't become responsible anytime soon. (I'm still in a satirical mood, don't get confused)
6) Assume Everything
I will spare you the inevitable "don't you know what happens when you assume" joke that everyone tells and thinks they are being so clever! And yes, I've done it and thought I was being clever too. When there are a lot of changes going on in the church or the church is growing and communication is not up to the standard of excellence that it should be, people tend to begin assuming why things are happening. "Why did that music leader change the way he used to do songs" or "how come that guy isn't playing the drums anymore and that other person is instead?" Those types of questions are harmless enough, but when answered by the uninformed mind, it can be a recipe for disaster. Assuming that the pastor must be micromanaging the music minster or that the guy who used to play the drums must have had a moral failure and has been removed from his position, will simply give the Devil a foothold in your life and in the church. You may begin to become angry or resentful and you are probably completely wrong. The best solution is for you to simply go ask. Go ask the drummer why he isn't playing anymore. You might find out that he needs surgery on his wrist and the doctor has asked him to sit out for a while. That's a lot different than him having an affair, now isn't it? Of course, if you want to be irresponsible, make sure you assume the worst.
5) Share Your Assumptions with Others
Once you have been clever enough to discern what is going on without asking someone, now you have a duty to go and tell other people about your discovery! Keeping with the example of the drummer, make sure you tell your Sunday School class that they need to pray for "Bill" because he has been asked to step down from the drums and you can only assume the worst. Bill and his wife have been coming to church in separate vehicles as well and you know what that means! Don't stop there! Make sure you tell your dearest friends over lunch, post prayer requests on Facebook for an "unspoken drummer and his estranged wife" and for Pete's sake, tell everyone you can so they don't have to figure it out for themselves. This will ensure your irresponsibility remains intact!
4) Blame Others
This next one will really help maintain your irresponsible reputation! I can pretty much guarantee it and if I am wrong, it has to be someone else's fault! If you have any responsibilities in the church, and if you do I don't know why since working in the church is reserved for the paid staff only! But, if you do, make sure you don't take responsibility when things go wrong. After all, there has to be someone else who caused the problem. If you start taking the blame for things, people will respect you and believe that you are leadership material. With leadership comes responsibility and that is direct enemy of irresponsibility. So please, don't accept blame, even when it is your fault!
3) Wait for Someone Else to do Something
Of all my ideas I have to say this is the best ever! You can already picture this I am sure. You are sitting in the sanctuary and the "Minster of Announcements" (everyone needs a title, right?) asks for people to sign up for Vacation Bible School. You might be inclined to sign up, but DON'T! Sitting there and not saying a word is crucial for you unless you desire to have people expect things of you! To ensure you aren't called on, don't make eye contact with the speaker and by all means if that person does call on you for something, grab your phone, put it up to your ear and say, "Oh no! I will be right there" and run out! Remember, if you agree to something, you will expected to follow through. Of course, you could always drop the ball and if that happens......see # 4 above.
2) Do Everything You Can To Remain Comfortable
I just don't understand why people can't remain comfortable in the church. Churches have spent a lot of money on making the sanctuary pretty with the latest in high tech equipment. How in the world could a person not be comfortable. It is your
1) Complain About Everything
I am sure, if you are doing the other five above already, this one will come with very little trouble. Face it, you're already a pro, but you could consider stepping this one up a little bit. Everything can be complained about, so you don't have to prepare much. Instead, just look for something and then get upset about it. For example, if the sound is too loud, complain, however if it isn't loud enough, complain. The preacher will go long or too short, so get ready for that. He won't use enough verses or maybe too many! Someone is going to cough, a child might cry, the lighting won't be good enough, there are too many guests and you don't know them all nor have they come over and introduced themselves to you and the list goes on and on. If you find that you are getting tired from complaining so much, complain about that too!
As you can tell, there are plenty of ways to remain or become irresponsible in the church today! What are some of your ideas? (...satire off)
Of course, if you want to become a responsible member of your church, be sure to do the opposite of this post =)
And now.....Off to the River!!!
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